Day 1

Today, questions, in a positive and mindful manner. Then a quick recap of the day.

How/where will I earn enough to survive?
Should I slow my schooling down?
If I do, should I transfer?
How soon can I make the commitment to a sitting practice?
How do I set up a budget and stick to it?
How do I balance a checkbook?
How do I increase my support system?
How will I increase my mindfulness and decrease my thoughtfulness?

More as I think of them.

On to today, as non-judgemental as possible:
I woke a little less "up" than I've been in the past few days. As the day progressed, I became much less "up" and much more "down". A discussion with Peter (therapist at PHP) led to tears and welling hopelessness regarding my ability to financially support myself. Made the decision to at least take this quarter off at RIT. Scary- school has been my focus and much of my identity for the last 3+ years.

Group wasn't very fun today. I wanted to get out of there so many times. Yet again they're showing a "higher power" video. Come on, Amy, just grin (or is it grimace?) and bear it. Activity hour was excruciating; very loud group playing rummy made me very anxious. I went to the vending machine room for the quiet and made a few phone calls. Went back to main room, the loud group was sort of gone, so I fell asleep on the couch. Took 2 people to wake me up. Visteral is making me sleepy.

Got Home. Lay on rug enjoying the silence and the MINE-ness of it. Played with Henry the Chewer. Mom called, had a good talk with her - still anxious - but realized that she's right- I can't worry about anything at the moment. I will just write the questions I have and we'll deal with them together when she gets here in a week(!!). And so we have From Here to Now. I'd rather have an electronic journal anyway; handwriting is too hard.

Goals:
short term- be in the now. Write all else down to be dealt with when mom gets here.
long-term- keep this journey documented here for many years.